Each state has different adoption laws. Usually the state where the adoptive parents live determines which state law applies, and the Petition for Adoption is filed in the court of that County and State. Rarely, however, this can be filed in the state where the baby was born and the birth mother lives, if different from the adoptive parents. It is not uncommon for the adoptive parents to live in one state, and the birth mother lives in another state.

Because my practice is in California, and my adoptive parent clients primarily reside in California, the adoption laws of California almost always apply. This is a good thing because California's adoption laws are fairly flexible, allowing openness between birth and adoptive parents, and permitting the adoptive parents to help with pregnancy-related assistance.

California has two types of adoption: independent and agency. They are both good methods of adoption, but they have some differences. In an independent adoption, the birth mother must personally select the adoptive parents. She can't appoint another person to make that selection for her. Let's talk about independent adoption first.

In my practice, a birth mother starts off by looking at photos and letters of waiting adoptive parents whom I have met and represent. She then usually narrows down the possible couples and learns more about them, eventually selecting one or more families she wants to meet in person. I try to set up this meeting in a pressure-free environment, where everyone can get acquainted, but the birth mother is not pressured to make a decision that day. Instead, I recommend she go home, get a good night's sleep, and decide the next day.

Once a "match" is made, I notify the hospital of the planned birth and adoption, although the birth mother remains in complete control about how the birth will occur, who will be with her during delivery, how much or how little time she wants with the baby, etc., as these are all very personal decisions.  Most birth mothers, however, want the adoptive parents to play an active role, and often one or both adoptive parents are asked to be a labor coach, or just to be present at birth. With the birth mother's written permission, the baby can be released directly to the adoptive parents after birth, so the baby can bond to the adoptive parents immediately.

The birth mother usually has two meetings with a private-practice, but state-licensed, social worker (called an Adoption Services Provider). The Adoption Services Provider usually meets with the birth mother once before and once after the birth to review the process, offer counseling, and help answer any questions the birth mother has. About five days after birth, the Adoption Services Provider witnesses the Consent to Adoption form (called the Adoption Placement Agreement) signed by the birth mother. This Consent to Adoption form only becomes permanent when either 30 days elapse, or the birth mother signs a form waiving some of those 30 days, called a Waiver or Right to Revoke Consent. Many birth mothers elect to sign that form as they don't feel they need 30 days to make up their minds. I find it is very rare for a birth mother to make an adoptive placement, then wish to reclaim the baby, as virtually all birth mothers understand the seriousness of the decision to everyone. It is a very difficult decision, but a loving and unselfish one with the child's best interests at heart.